Multiple Marriages

_{Photo by Heiner from Pexels}

According to a Pew Research Center report divorce has become less common in the younger set. But, “grey divorce” is becoming more common. My wife and I have been married for 44 years, and in all those years the topic of divorce has only come up one time. That was during a disagreement that went too far, and the “D” word was tossed out with great passion. Within an hour we had kissed and made up (and laughed a bit at ourselves) and that was that. No adding to the “grey divorce” numbers here!

That one incident caused me to sit and think some things over–mostly things about myself and how I have done this marriage thing. It dawned on me that over the course of being married 44 years to the same woman, that woman had been married to at least ten different men during that same time period. She should be sainted for her patience and perseverance, and most certainly for her grace for living with so many different men for so long.

“You can measure the happiness of a marriage by the number of scars that each partner carries on their tongues, earned from years of biting back angry words.”

 Elizabeth Gilbert, Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage

Here are some of those ten men she has been married to; Immature Joe, Self-Centered Joe, Selfish Joe, Obnoxious Joe, Drunk Joe, Insecure Joe, Dumb Joe, and Worldly Joe. For the past too few years, she’s been married to Spiritually Mature Joe.

As I write this I am drawn to the beauty (yes, beauty!) of how God has wired each of us up. In His infinite wisdom, he created a potpourri of people with huge differences, backgrounds, beliefs, styles, experiences, baggage, you name it. None of us are identical. And yet, we manage to find marriage partners and decide to make a go of it. Once the “forever and evers” of the newly married couple wears off and the cold, and often harsh, reality sets in the real work begins–married couples have to work at their marriage to keep it healthy and lasting.

If you look at yourself, and your own marriage, it should come as no surprise that we all have married multiple people during the courses of our marriage. If that marriage has sustained, it’s because of another beauty of God’s design. If our marriages weren’t that way, I truly think they would be boring and unhappy because it is through all of those differences (and often discomfort) that we grow and mature and our love becomes real at last. That sort of puts that early on “forever and ever” thought into the fable or wishful thinking class doesn’t it?

I’m glad that my wife didn’t divorce either me or the other ten of me.